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The Effective Communication



Nowadays, the communication is one of the terms too used and we can say also abused sometimes. In general, this indicates a sum of signs and messages – verbal and non verbal – which serve to transmit information, emotions and feelings to other.



Communicating is not only informing the other, but also and first off all “enter into relationship with the other”.



The word is a gift that only humans possess, but also the animals can communicate. Not communicating is almost impossible for every living being.

Talking about human communication, a classic test of Professor Albert Mehrabian showed that only 7% of the meaning of the communication is conveyed by words, while 38% of it is communicated through the tone in which the words are expressed, and the remaining 55% has nothing to do with words but with the physiology. The silence, a glance, the posture, the facial grimaces, the way of breathing, the clothes, the perfume are issues that “are speaking” in our place, are showing our way of being, our way of thinking more than the words can do.


The Russian philosopher Gurdjieff claimed that “we become the words that we hear”. In fact, the things are really like that: the words that we are hearing or pronouncing leave a trace in us. All the words, and especially the wrong ones, are conditioning our self, seeding waste, generating distorted attitudes which are complicated our lives and are intoxicated our minds. In fact, once pronounced, the words are acting on at least two minds: that of speaker and of listener. In both cases, those become the subject that travels to a chemical and physical road (as well as symbolic) which make the link through the body and the psyche. (Morelli, 2005).



The sounds we hear goes from the eardrum to the skull and than to a structure called the cochlea. Those make vibrate the inner ear and then channeled into acoustic nerve, which branches off toward the organs of respiration, digestion and circulation.

At central level are concerned some areas of the brain and areas related to the hearing structures where emotions are transformed into physical pulses and vice versa (Morelli, 2005).




In Morelli’s opinion (2005) our brain is a fertile ground on which the words, ours or the others one, fall as the seeds. Listening yourselves and the others becomes the repository of these fertile seeds, which bear and sprout in the body. Therefore, every form of communication affects our psyche, works in our unconscious for days, months, years changing our mentality and living a physical trace in our body. Gurdjeff had guessed right: we become the words that we hear, but even more than that, the words that we think or say and that we continue to pronounce.



So, what you can do in this case? It’s important to become aware of our communication, of the effects it has on us, on our interlocutors and our relations. The words give relief and create wealth in ourselves and in others, helping us to reduce stress, errors and misunderstandings, so, because of that, it is essential to gain awareness of what we say, of how we talk, of our emotional states and those with whom we are interacting.



Awareness is the basis of the empathy:  the more open we are to our emotions, the more able we are to reading the feelings of others.



This capacity that enables us to know how another human being fells come into play continuously, both in private (in the sentimental relationship with their children or friends) that in the professional (think at the working day of a seller or a manager).

For becoming effective the interpersonal relations is important the ability with which an individual manages to get in  emotional synchrony with other.



Goleman says that when two persons interact, the mood is transferred from the individual who expresses the feelings more effectively to the one which is more passive.

Individuals unable to receive and transmit emotions are destined to interpersonal relations issues, since often others feel uncomfortable with them, while failing to explain the reason (Goleman, 1999).




Those who know how to get in line with the state of mind of others or can easily drag others in its wake will have more harmonious interpersonal relations. 

The emotional harmony functions best when born outside of the conscious zone and when arises spontaneously. However, this is an ability that can be learned and that can help to improve our ability to communicate with others.




Selected References



Goleman, D. (1999) Emotional Intelligence, Bur, Milano.
James, T., D. Shepard (2001) Presenting magically, Crown House, Wales.
Morelli, R. (2005) Dictionary of happiness, Riza, Milan.



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